A Reason to Stay

I thought I wanted to leave. Get out of this town and never look back. Starting over, with a fresh beginning where no one knew my name or story sounded so good. I'm almost ashamed of that now. Because that's the easy way out and I'm not an easy kinda girl. I don't want to start over. I didn't go through 17 years of experiences just to clean my slate and try again. I've completely changed my mind about everything. Perhaps most importantly, I found my reason to stay. It's not a what, more a who. A few who's. And really aren't the who's all that matter? Deciding what Im going to do with my future has been hard, overwhelming and at times completely scary. But then I have those shoulda had a V8 moments, sitting by the pool or passing someone on my run that remind me what life's all about. Logically, leaving little Pocatello Idaho is smart. I've always been a go big or go home person, so the idea of actually staying here sounds crazy coming out of my mouth. But I have always said life is all about relationships, and perhaps this is my big test to see if I will stick to that. In my mind I had it all perfectly figured out, hot husband, 3 cute politely behaved children(2 boys,1 girl), a big house, a fancy car, a backyard full of toys, a couple boats, a beach house, the whole 9 yards. Maybe thats over doing it a little bit, but I strongly believe if I work hard enough at anything I can achieve and obtain it. Maybe not precisely how I imagined, but close. That whole dream and vision went out the window starting the week I was lying in a tent in the middle of nowhere listening to a group of crazy girls doing the fat test. So whats my new dream? A husband, couple of crazy kids, Im not really sure. Since the time I was 6 I had a plan, a well thought out diagram of who and what I wanted to be when I grew up. It's changed a bit over the years, and now that it's time to execute that plan, it doesn't even seem to matter. Maybe this is just my way of trying to justify my new decisions about my life. I don't know if i'm going to college, I don't know where I'll live or when I'll get married. What I do know is I finally have a reason to stay, and they are priceless.