Giving God the Controls

I am a firm believer that God will give us more than we can handle. He pushes us past the point of being able to get through it on our own, so that we learn to reach up to the hand he is extending. Its not just about having faith, its about exercising that faith. I believe a big part of the trials we go through is learning to turn to God. I always had this idea in my head that I can do it. I can get through anything. And honestly I always believed God was there if I found myself wanting his help. Never in a million years did I think I needed it. But I do. And so do you. We all do. I am a very stubborn independent person. So the idea of needing someone, of depending on someone is not something I embrace. Going through the experiences I have I have often found myself angry at God, with this thought in my head, that I'll show him. I blame God for everything. And it took me a long time to figure out, that that's okay. Its ok to be angry at God, but I realize now my bitterness toward him just made everything so much harder. Now, dont get me wrong, that bitterness isn't completely gone. I still have feelings of anger toward God at times. And I still have doubts when it comes to the church. But thats okay too. God isn't there to punish us, he isn't there to hurt us. He doesn't put us through trials crossing his fingers that we turn around and give him praises. God puts us on paths, and through experiences he knows will get us to where we need to go. That isn't always easy to accept, I know that. But I have finally figured out that God cares. He loves us. And that is all we need to know. If we come to understand his love for us, we will come to understand that he will do what is best for us. Just like each and every one of us would do for the people we love the most. He will not leave us, but silently wait, until we choose turn to him. Its not easy, nor will it ever be. Its something that took me a long time to learn, and i'm sure from time to time i will forget. But giving God the controls is the best thing you can do. God will give us more than we can handle. But he will never give us more than we can handle-with him.

Misplaced.

I raked leaves at the cemetery yesterday for a service project. I walked down to my mom and brother's headstones with two of my friends. As we were walking we got to talking about life, well death, and all the questions we'd never be able to answer. It got me thinking, about losing two of the most important people in my life. Then today the young women went and visited someone in our ward who is recovering from breast cancer. She is like my grandma, I love her so much and it has been hard watching her battle cancer. Especially because, after losing my brother and grandpa to it, I dont ever see there being a happy ending when cancer is involved. I know this is different than most my posts, but thats because this one is more me trying to sort out my emotions and thoughts. So. Im 17 years old. I've lost my mom, two of my grandpas, my big brother, my aunt and several friends to death. Unfortunately losing grandparents, aunts and even friends isnt uncommon. I know that. I also know that I have an amazing life, I am very blessed. And I dont ever want anyone to think I think my life is worse than anyone else's. Because it's not. But losing 2 people your so close to, at such a young age, tends to seperate me from most 17 year olds. And thats hard.