Love

Being in love is hard, because you risk being in pain when you fall out of love, loving is even harder, because you risk loosing who you love, but being loved is the hardest, because you risk being the pain someday, someone will feel when they lose you. After losing so many people I've loved, one thought that keeps coming back is will someone feel as horrible as I do when they lose me? Loss is the worst feeling, emotion that exists, and i never want the people I love to have to feel it because they loved me back. But, do you risk putting people you care so deeply about, through such horrible pain and let them love you back, or do you block them out, and not ever be loved again?

The unexpected friend

Why is it who I always expected to be there left, who I never expected to come stayed, and why it's you thats always there for me. There are people in my life I always expected to be right by my side, and yet when i turn around they are long gone. There are people, who i looked at and shook my head because i knew without a doubt they would never stop long enough to see me, and yet they are the ones who have not once left. And there are people who not only do i see them by my side but i feel their arms around me. I am talking about people in general. But also, the few, unexpected ones who i am honored to call friends. I have no direct relationship with them, haven't known 'em my whole life, but where in the world i would be without them i have no idea. So i will devote my life saying thank you to these few, amazing people. And perhaps, i too can be your unexpected friend.

What is a true friend?

In the social aspect of the world there are two sides, love and hate. You love someone or you hate someone. They are your friend or your enemy. So how do you determine if someone is your true friend? If you can truly trust and confide in them? Is friendship really two sided? So just because your their friend but they aren't yours are you enemies? True friendship is knowing you could lose someone but your love far outweighs your fear. You know you have a true friend when they aren't just there when tragedy strikes, but every "normal" day of your life they are by your side. A true friend doesn't show up when something horrible happens. They are already there.

Heaven...

What is heaven? Is it having everything you want? Is it perfect weather on a perfect day? Is it a bite into creamy milk chocolate? Or is it simply being happy? Whether you are referring to the candy bar you are eating or place you can only pray to end up what is your heaven? When you close your eyes and see the picture perfect place what is it? Who’s there? And is that really where you could spend eternity? In some faiths they believe if you follow certain rules or abide by laws, living a perfect life you will end up in heaven. So I purpose the question, “where is heaven?” someone once told me that heaven surrounds us. I often hear it is above us, above the clouds, above the blue sky. If this is the case I purpose the question, “what is heaven?” According to these answers it is a place. But when I think about heaven it is not so much a place as a state of mind. In fact it is not a place at all rather where our heart is.

Why wait?

Why is it we can hate someone one minute, but the second they are gone you wish you could have told them how much you loved them? To hate, you must care, but to care you must love. You don't pick up the phone to call a friend, you are too proud to say your sorry, you refuse to forgive and yet when something happens, threatening to take them away you are right there to call, apologize and forgive. Why does it take cancer, a heart attack or even death before you say the words "I love you?" You think about them, you wonder where they are, who they are, if there thinking about you, but you don't have enough time to drop by or call. I know from experience the worst feeling in the world is wondering if they know you love them. Whether death or time between you, why wait?

If happiness is a destination, who is YOUR tour guide?

So, I was thinking about where I want to be in ten years. And as unsure of the future as I am I know one thing for sure, I want to be Happy. So then I started to think about how to make sure that every tomorrow I am happy. So if happiness is my desired destination, who can I rely on to be my tour guide? Whether you are christian or atheist, a believer or a nonbeliever can you really reach that destination alone? Can you be your own tour guide to end up somewhere you have never been? How do you give someone directions to a place you have never even seen? And if you are already contradicting me, have you been in tomorrow? So then I ask, who has? And i get the simple answer no one. So how do you rely on someone to guide you somewhere no man has ever been-the future? Your today could be another mans tomorrow, but can your today ever be another man's yesterday? So how is it that at 15 I am suppose to reach my destination of happiness when neither myself nor anyone else has ever been there?